Robert Orben

“Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions.”

“Do you ever get the feeling that the only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize?”

“Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.”

“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.”

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.”

“Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.”

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

“Every speaker has a mouth; An effective speaker has a message.”

“There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.”

“A good laugh is sunshine in the house.”

“I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.”

“I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.”

“Life is what's coming, not what's gone.”

“Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.”

“What's a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.”