Andy Rooney

“The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.”

“The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.”

“If you're not a liberal when you're 25, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative when you're 35, you have no brain.”

“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible.”

“The federal government has been a monkey on the back of the American people for too long.”

“If a man is a fool, you don't have to worry about him. He'll announce it himself.”

“If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.”

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.”

“The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.”

“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.”

“It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.”

“I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.”

“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.”

“For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be very happy.”

“Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.”

“People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.”

“The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.”