Bob Newhart

“I'm a registered Independent. I'm a fiscal conservative, but I'm a social liberal.”

“Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.”

“I was an accountant for a while, and it was a boring job. I'd have dreams at night of being an accountant.”

“This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl.”

“I'm not a joke-teller. I'm a storyteller.”

“It's getting harder and harder to act intelligent.”

“People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world.”

“I'm a great audience. I laugh very easily. I'm a comedian's dream.”

“Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren't going to get rid of me that way.”

“I've been married to the same woman for forty years. If we had a fight, we'd have to call for a U.N. peacekeeper.”

“I was in the pro-life, pro-choice, pro-everything. I was a very, very good politician.”

“All I do is I say things that I think are funny. I've been doing that for a long time.”

“I think you should be a child with your children, but not a childish person.”

“There's something I call 'the Bob Newhart pause,' which is a minimalist approach to comedy.”

“You know, I don't think there's a CPA in the world who can be a good comedian.”

“I'm a worrier. I've always been a worrier. That's a side of me people don't know.”

“Men are simpler than you imagine my sweet child. But what goes on in the mind of a woman is something else entirely.”

“You shouldn't get credit for doing what you're supposed to do.”