Eddie Izzard

“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”

“I'm covered in bees!”

“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”

“I'm a professional transvestite, so I can run in heels.”

“You say 'erbs, and we say 'herbs', because there's a fucking 'h' in it.”

“The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people, people do.' But I think the gun helps.”

“If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.”

“Cake or death?”

“Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).”

“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”

“So the American dream is you can be born in a log cabin and become president. The British dream is you're born in a log cabin and you want to stay in a log cabin.”

“Never put a sock in a toaster.”

“Do you have a flag?”

“They're not women's clothes. They're my clothes. I bought them.”

“Politi-cians... 'Poli' a Greek word meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.”

“The whole concept of 'sin' is a form of social control.”

“I'm an executive transvestite.”