Calvin Trillin

“I never did any real mountaineering in my life. We were just killing spiders in the attic.”

“The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.”

“The reason it's called 'tourist season' is because you can't shoot them.”

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.”

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”

“As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.”

“Health food makes me sick.”

“Everything was better in the old days. With the possible exception of smallpox.”

“I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because I think it's the right thing to do.”

“I've always assumed that the chili cook-off is the single most important annual event in the world.”

“The first rule of thumb in reporting is that you're never going to get the whole story.”