Dudley Moore

“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”

“I have a recurring dream, which is that I am in a beautiful mansion and I am looking for a bathroom. I can never find it.”

“Don't you wish you were me? I know I do.”

“I don't think you can be a comedian without a tragic sense of life.”

“When I play the piano, I'm in another world. It's a world where I feel very safe and very happy.”

“I felt that I was not a fine-boned person. I was a little bit of a chubby, stocky boy.”

“I race cars, I play tennis, I fondle women, but I have weekends off and I am my own boss.”

“I've always been an outsider. I've always felt that I've been on the edge of things.”

“I'm not a wino. I'm a drunk. Winos are cute. I'm a drunk.”

“I think I'm a lot funnier than I am.”

“A bath... it's a luxury. It's a way of life.”

“The worst thing that can happen to a comedian is to be thought of as 'cute'.”

“There's a terrible danger in voting for the lesser of two evils because the parties can set it up that way.”