Fred Allen

“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.”

“Radio is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.”

“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”

“Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.”

“A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.”

“Some of the smarter people are in television. The smart people are in front of the television.”

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”

“Imitation is the sincerest form of television.”

“Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”

“I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.”