Quotes by George Carlin
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”— George Carlin
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'”— George Carlin
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”— George Carlin
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”— George Carlin
“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”— George Carlin
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”— George Carlin
“Don't just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.”— George Carlin
“There's a reason they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”— George Carlin
“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day.”— George Carlin