Gilbert Gottfried

“The way I look at it, if you're not offending someone, you're not doing your job.”

“I'm the guy who will say what's on everybody's mind, but they're afraid to say.”

“I have a very dark sense of humor. I swear. I have a very morbid sense of humor.”

“If you don't have a sense of humor, you're better off dead.”

“Show business is my life. When I was a kid I thought I'd grow up to be a serial killer. But I'm too lazy.”

“I always feel like I'm the only person who's got a normal voice, and everyone else is speaking in a strange, deep, weird way.”

“I've always felt that if you're not laughing, you're crying. And I would much rather be laughing.”

“They say that laughter is the best medicine. I say, 'No, it's not. It's morphine.'”

“I find it very easy to be annoying. It's one of my great talents.”

“My whole career has been one big joke. I'm a walking joke.”

“I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don't like to see the people in their cages.”

“I look at my face in the mirror and I say, 'There's a face only a mother could love.' And my mother said, 'I don't love it.'”

“A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.”

“I am the most normal person in the world. I'm just a regular guy who happens to have a very strange voice.”

“I'm a big fan of the First Amendment. I believe in it.”

“I think the first thing that you have to do is, I think you have to be able to laugh at yourself. And I do that a lot.”

“I have no problem with anyone who wants to be a comedian. I have a problem with anyone who wants to be a bad comedian.”