Groucho Marx

“Anyone who says they can see through women is missing a lot.”

“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”

“There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook.”

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”

“Humor is reason gone mad.”