Jerry Stiller

“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.”

“A Festivus for the rest of us!”

“I've got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!”

“The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances.”

“My son's a bootlegger?! My son, a bootlegger!”

“Festivus is your heritage, George! It's part of who you are!”

“You want a piece of me? You got it!”

“Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over!”

“I'm back, baby!”

“I was an actor, and I'm a writer. My wife and I were a comedy team. We were recognized, but we weren't 'stars'.”

“What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had a rocket for an arm! You don't know what the hell you're doin'!”

“Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?”

“Serenity now!”

“This is Frank Costanza. I'm calling from the car. I'm with Kramer. We're all in the car. We're heading down to the beach.”