Pat Paulsen

“All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.”

“If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.”

“I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.”

“I'm running for President of the United States. I have no experience, I'm not a politician, I have no money, and I have no charisma. I'm a shoo-in.”

“My campaign slogan is 'We can't do any worse.'”

“I don't know anything about the economy. And I don't think anybody else does either.”

“The problem with the country is that the people who should be running it are too busy driving cabs and cutting hair.”

“I have a very simple solution to the energy crisis. We should all go to bed earlier.”

“We must get our country back on its feet. We must get it off its back.”

“I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat. I am a member of the Straight Talking American Government party, the S.T.A.G. party.”

“I promise you nothing, and I'll deliver.”

“I am not a politician. I am a comedian. And I have a sense of humor.”

“Picky, picky, picky.”

“My campaign is a simple one. It's a campaign of truth. I'll tell you the truth, whether you like it or not.”

“I still believe that sex is a beautiful thing, but I don't want to get a team of horses and go looking for it.”