Robert Klein

“I have a love-hate relationship with the city of New York. I love it, and they hate me.”

“I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I can't believe it!”

“You can't trust air you can't see.”

“My mother would say to me, 'You can't eat scallops? What kind of a monster are you?'”

“Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.”

“Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.”

“I grew up in the Fifties. You had to be a certain way. If you were not that way, you were a Martian.”

“What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.”

“I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up.”

“In the 60s, you could be an artist, you could be a musician, you could be a comedian, and you didn't have to get a job.”

“Most of the stuff I do is Garbage, but it's my garbage... and sometimes it's gold.”

“Dads are the moms of the 90s.”