Simon Hoggart

“My favourite drink is a free drink.”

“Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.”

“They are the sort of people who, on seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, would order more tunnel.”

“He could not see a belt without hitting below it.”

“He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.”

“His speeches leave the impression of having been translated from the German by someone with a slight knowledge of English.”

“He had a face like a collapsed lung.”

“He has the charisma of a wardrobe.”

“His answers were models of clarity, in that they made it perfectly clear he had no intention of answering the question.”

“He spoke with all the passion of a man ordering a cup of tea.”

“His mind is so open that the wind whistles through it.”

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts—for support rather than for illumination.”

“The first rule of politics is: never invade Afghanistan.”