Chris Rock

“If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.”

“Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.”

“Men are as faithful as their options.”

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”

“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?”

“Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.”

“You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.”

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war.”

“A man is only as good as his last haircut.”

“Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.”

“I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while you're getting shot.”

“When you're a comedian, you are looking for the truth.”

“Right now, you know, we're in a bad economy. I think this is when the great artists are created. This is when the great art is created. People get hungry.”

“There are two sides to every story, and then there's the truth.”

“The government don't want you to have a good education. They want you to be just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to accept your situation.”

“I'm not a politician. I'm a comedian. I'm here to make you laugh.”

“You can't be a good comedian unless you've had your heart broken.”

“You can't be a comedian without a lot of love for people.”

“Bullying is not okay. Period.”